


Visions of the Future

by Providence26



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 11:50:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13523670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Providence26/pseuds/Providence26





	Visions of the Future

Alex Cabot had been back in New York for several months now, it had been a whirlwind of social engagements and professional obligations countered by the familiar empty, lonely, nightmare filled nights.

Outwardly she was still the poised ‘Ice Queen’. Inwardly, she was a mess. She was certain that anyone who knew her well would be able to tell with a mere glance.  
So she avoided those people like the plague.  
It wasn’t her smartest decision, she needed their help, support and unwavering love. Her love.   
But Alex’s stubborn streak had returned with a vengeance upon stepping foot back on New York soil. She had managed to survive so far without it, she could continue to do so now.

This is how she found herself on the verge of living with a man she did not love. On the verge of what appeared to be getting engaged. She had found a ring earlier in the day in his underwear drawer. Instead of feeling butterflies at the prospect of his proposal, she felt a leaden dread in her abdomen and a claustrophobic feeling of being trapped. She already knew she was not strong enough to say no.

~~

They had just endured another boring luncheon, people fawning over her husband and his philanthropical ways. It had been like this for the past forty years, but now that she was an elderly woman she was practically invisible to most. She had aged. He had become distinguished. They had foregone children to concentrate on politics and power.

How had she let this happen? She knew whilst in WITSEC that her dreams of the future had changed. She wanted love, children, happiness. Not…this.  
She had agreed to this by accepting his proposal, all that was left was for her to endure each moment.

As she stepped towards the kerb she bumped into another woman and a teenager.

“I’m sorry.” “My apologies,” they both said automatically.

“Alex?”

That voice, she had dreamed about that voice for years. Alex looked up at the woman, she knew that voice. It had kept her alive at one point, connected to the world.

“Liv?”  
“It is you, I knew it? How are you? You look great.”

“I’m fine. How’re you? Who is this?”

“Great. This is my eldest granddaughter, Izzie. We’re shopping for school supplies. I have four in total, and three kids.”

“That’s so great, Liv. I know you always wanted them.”

“They’re my greatest joy.”

“Grandma, we need to hurry, Nanna is waiting. You know how impatient she gets.”

Alex raised a questioning eyebrow.

“You remember Serena Southerlyn? We married almost forty years ago now. I wasn’t sure whether to invite you to the wedding…”

“It’s okay, it was a tricky time, I didn’t invite you to mine either.”

“I have to go, if you ever want to catch up…”

“I know how to reach you.”

Watching Liv walk away she was overwhelmed with feelings of regret and jealousy. That should be her life. Her wife, her granddaughter.

Her happiness.

She had been so afraid upon exiting WITSEC to look into her love’s eyes and no longer seeing the familiar depth of feeling, desire, want and need, that she had avoided Olivia. For years.

It hadn’t been her choice to go back to SVU, but one of the few options left open to her to salvage a once promising career. She had still been a brilliant prosecutor, but she had a tendency for self sabotage.

When she did return, it had been as an engaged woman, who had cheated on her fiancé. Robert had forgiven her, but it was her infidelity that killed any love he had for her. Their union was from that moment on only political and financial in nature. His liaisons were always discreet, she had to give him credit for that.

Living with only the pretense of love, with no loving touches, no tenderness takes it toll. She had made a monumental mistake. She knew actual death would be a welcome and blessed release from this empty shell of a life.

~~

Bolting awake as if from a nightmare, Alex Cabot looked around the bedroom, Robert was sleeping soundly next to her, he had stayed the night after proposing. The dream had been so real, so vivid. She was a practical woman, she did not believe in visions or magic, but something about the dream had felt prophetic. That was the only word that seemed to fit.

She showered and dressed quickly, packing a bag, fortunately Robert was a very heavy sleeper.

She left her ring and a note apologizing, explaining her feelings and wishing him well for the future, she left the apartment and hailed a cab.

She knocked on Olivia’s door twenty minutes later, praying that she was home. At 4.30am she was either asleep or at a crime scene.

The door was opened by an adorably bleary eyed Olivia.

“Alex? Are you okay? Did something happen?” She grabbed Alex’s hand pulling her into the apartment, looking her over.

“No.”

“Something’s wrong, I can tell, tell me.”

“Taking a deep breath Alex plunged in, “I made a mistake. I’ve been lost. I’ve been scared and a coward. I need you so much, but I was scared to face you in case you no longer needed me as much as I need you.”

“Alex,”

“Can I come home Liv? Please say I can.”

“Always my love, always.”


End file.
